Sunday, October 12, 2008

Finding the Grace

It's been a difficult few days. My mother in law is actively dying. This picture of her was taken several years ago. Mom is wearing her Easter hat that she designed for a contest at the Senior Center. She had little stuffed chicks on it and Easter themed lollipops. Later, she dismantled it and let the grandkids have the lollipops. Mom never worried about being made to look foolish. She has always loved and lived with abandon. I remember Mom once saying, "Go ahead and use me, if you don't then I become useless."
My husband is visiting with his family again today. We both rushed to CT last night after hearing her health had deteriorated and we got home very late last night. She is resting comfortably today with the help of some Morphine and sedation. Mom was very confused and agitated but even in her delirium she was saying her prayers. Her children took turns holding her hands and said their own prayers. It seemed to comfort Mom some.
Mom and Dad and Larry's sister are all Catholic. We are Unitarian. It would not have helped Mom or the family to put our own beliefs forward at such a difficult time. Mom finds comfort in knowing that she will soon be with Jesus. And really it's not about us, it is about what Mom wants and needs as she tries to find peace. Mom has always taken comfort in her rosary beads much as Larry and I do when we sing Spirit of Life at church and share our sorrows lighting a candle in community.
This month at our church, our Small Group Ministry topic is "God or No God." I don't know if I will make this group meeting-it depends on Mom. In our Unitarian faith we recognize and accept many different beliefs yet can hold fast to what our own hearts and minds tell us. I've often struggled with my own beliefs. Usually, I'm very clear but I guess when the full brunt of life is upon you it makes you think and perhaps rethink and perhaps have more questions than when you started.
So maybe it's not a question of "God or No God". Maybe it's the lesson of what God teaches or what we should learn from our own experiences if we don't believe in a God. Maybe it is the being together and learning how to be with one another that we are to learn. Maybe it is the loving each other despite our differences in faith. Maybe it is the unconditional love that comes with being a part of family. Maybe it is about finding the grace in all situations-even the very hard ones.

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