How Is Your Facade?

It's been a long few months. After a recent visit to my Lyme Specialist, she's pretty sure I'm postive for Bartonella as well. The tell tale rash appeared after two months on 3 different antibiotics.

Last month she switched my medication regimen again. Blech. What a tiring mess. I have become the poster child for Lyme Disease. I'd rather be something else.

Today I went and had my PICC line placed.

The staff at the RI Vascular Institute were great. It took longer to take my history and prep my arm for the procedure. They gave me my first dose of medication today as well. All in all-it was pretty easy. My arm is sore tonight and I'm tired but that's about it.The IV nurse will be out tomorrow to change the dressing.

The medications will be twice a day for a month to start. I have a little PTSD thinking about my last round of IV meds and my 10 day hospital stay. I'm hoping it doesn't turn that way this time.

Last Sunday at church I spoke with a woman who had breast cancer. While I don't compare my illness to hers, we share a lot of the same symptoms and frustrations in just trying to get through our day.

I said to her, "How's your facade doing?" She started to laugh knowing that outwardly we look fine and even manage to do it all some days. Inwardly-we look and feel like hell. "My Facade is holding up quite well thank you."

For now-life continues. The kids are still happily homeschooling (most days), we are preparing costumes for Halloween and I chug along.

Coming Home

So where have I been for the past 10 days? I really missed blogging. I spent a too long stay at the hospital after having a terrible reaction (read lost my airway)to the antibiotics used to treat my Lyme disease. On top of the allergic reaction I was in full blown Herxheimer reaction from the Lymes. It was horrifying. I had a headache (read put your head in a vice and squeeze hard for days on end), joint pain, muscle pain and tremors, fever and to top everthing also had to have my gallbladder taken out thanks to the antibiotics. I had a lumbar puncture, MRI and ultrasound too. Then they tried me back on the antibiotics at a 1/4 dose and I had yet another reaction that also caused me to lose my airway (read throat swelling and closing). I have lost 15 pounds in a week and have much muscle wasting and am extremely weak. My husband took 2 weeks off of work to care for the kids and traveled back and forth each day to see me. I'm grateful to our church for the support, meals, childcare and pastoral care that they have provided. Several homeschooling friends also watched the kids so that Larry could be with me. I really missed my kids and was unable to see them for the 10 days. I was so ill. I came home Thursday and still am not able to do much. Even making a cup of tea is difficult-I have no strength to stand for long and I'm shaky and weak carrying a teacup. But I am home and glad to be with family and my incredible kids who made beautiful artwork for my hospital walls. On a brighter note, I don't have any Lyme symptoms. The general anesthesia used for my gallbladder surgery took away the never ending headache and my muscle pain and joint pain are gone. I'm hoping it is not temporary.

I really missed my family, home and my things.

These are a few of my favorites.

Larry did bring my mala beads to the hospital for me. They are made of palm-wood and very light. As well as my favorite Lavender Williams and Sonoma Lotion. Did I mention that the skin on my hands and feet sloughed off due to the allergic reaction and antibiotics. I look like a burn victim.

And my monkey slippers. Yes these are the ones I got for Christmas and they already have a hole in them. I love them.

I really missed good coffee. Hospital coffee sucks. Pure Battery Acid. Better yet, I got to share a cup this morning with my ever wonderful husband.

This hand sculpture that sits on my dining room table. It's our chalice and is lit before every meal.

My meditation table. Not that I've been able to use it much with the joint and muscle pain but it is a reminder to always try to stay centered. I hope to get back to my practice soon.

This centerpiece on my coffee table. I love round smooth rocks and collect them whereever I go.

This is my favorite dove sculpture and a birds nest I found in our yard. It's so peaceful looking and smooth to touch.

And this picture of stacked rocks that's hangs in my office. Very meditative.

My cat Dixie who sleeps on my desk while we work and sheds her hair everwhere. Ok ,well that I didn't miss. I will spend the weekend recuperating and hopefully blog again soon.

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Wednesday Weekly Soundout-ICE!

I've been reserving Wednesdays for Curriculum review but have been doing a lot of that all week. We had a major ice storm here today so the kids were pretty much housebound and we managed to catch up on some work that got pushed to the side before Christmas. Morgan worked on more Math today from Math Advantage. Today was Polygons. Pete our Boxer checked her work for accuracy. Morgan always says that she doesn't like Math but she is really good at it. It makes sense to her. Doesn't always make sense to her mother but good thing my fourth grader can explain it to me. After her Math and Language Arts were finished she did more painting. Lots of Polygons. Actually she was going for the stained glass effect. The kids really are loving their new watercolor set and we already ran out of paper. Patrick did his math on the living room floor today while I had this thing....put in my arm for my IV antibiotics. Blech. Wow-look how messy my kitchen is. Tell me how I'm supposed to eat a sandwich when I can't even bend my arm?
As I mentioned, we had a huge ice storm in RI today. Salt and sand couldn't take away the slipperiness. The stairs were one big sheet of ice and we lost a huge branch on our willow tree. But doesn't the ice look pretty on the branches?

The ice tree just off our deck. In the back is the chicken coop covered in plastic to give the girls a little break from the weather. It doesn't seem to bother them. We gathered 4 eggs yesterday.
My long since gone flower pot in the front of the house...gorgeous in the ice. The kids are due back from the neighbors house by 3pm so I have just enough time for a cat nap.

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Homeschooling Home Economics Class

It's been an eventful two days. We installed Tae's computer game that he got for Christmas. My four and a half year old is amazing on the computer. Of course, he feels a need to change everyone's screen saver. The game he is playing is called Bailey's Book House. Highly recommend it. He has just started on it and the first section is rhyming words. Mind you, he has no idea how to read but the pictures with the words are on the screen. Sometimes he doesn't know what the pictures are but after telling him he can figure out if they rhyme or not. Look closely and you'll see our cat Kiwi sleeping in between the two computer screens. It's a prime napping spot. Hmmmmm-thinking....thinking.

He was supposed to choose the (pea) pod but couldn't figure out what it was. Once I told him what the picture was he was good. He loves this game.

This is the gourd that I started to sand the other day. It has beautiful patterning. Sometimes the gourds have soft spots and my thumb went right through the side of this one. For every three gourds I sand, I usually lose two. The Buddha would say that the gourd did not want to be a Shekere'. It will be a birdhouse. This one went much better. It is smaller but also with nice patterning. I cut the top of this and sanded it and will start beading it tomorrow. The top edge still needs to be leveled and sanded and before beading I think a coat of oil will be best to show off it's beauty.

So why did I call this post Home Economics? Because my kids are learning how to do laundry and make dinner since I can't. Patrick made delicious grilled cheese sandwiches today and Morgan did the white laundry. I'm so glad I have such giving kids that never think twice about taking care of their mom when she needs it. Patrick said to me today, "But you always take care of us when we are sick, we can help you too." That's what homeschooling does for us. It brings us closer and allows us to depend on one another without question or complaint. Okay....maybe sometimes we complain.

This is a picture of my new IV that went in today. Sorry so blurry but you try taking a picture of your own hand. Geez I look puffy. I'm being treated intravenously for my Lyme Disease after a few difficult weeks. On Wednesday I'll receive a new larger midline catheter that will take me thru the next few weeks. I got my first dose of antibiotics today and it made my mouth water (not in a good way) and made me throw up. Nice.

I get to give myself all my own drugs because insurance companies are too cheap to send out nurses anymore. But since I'm a nurse I think I can handle it. Gee, maybe I can lose some weight now. Nausea is not necesarily a bad thing.

And here is the delivery I got today in the mail. A bag of saline flushes, heparin, bandages and the IV Antibiotics. The antibiotics are in the refrigerator next to the pork roast. I'd rather eat pork. The kids were all really facinated watching the IV go in and the nurse so appreciated Tae putting his paintbrush down on his sterile field. He also told the nurse that sometimes our toilet stinks too.

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