Lessons Learned

I am sitting at my desk this morning, reading through emails as my kids begin their day. It's my usual routine:coffee, slog the mess on the desk to the side, move through emails and decide which ones get priority before we start the days lessons.

It's been raining for a few days, my newly planted herbs and lettuces are happy. My joints and muscles....not so much. But the rain makes me reflective. It washes things anew and brings with it great possibilities.

The kids have finished up all their homeschool lessons which means an extended, welcome break over the summer. Some things we did well this year yet other goals were elusive (as they are every year) and need rethinking.

Finishing the school year brings me to the lessons learned, not just in homeschooling but in life and the people in it.

1) Whether it's homeschooling or in life, the process or task just doesn't matter in the end. How I treat those completing the task is much more important. Rules, policies, bylaws and guidelines are useless if you don't pay attention to the heart and the people involved.

2) I am not responsible for other people's feelings. Each of us needs to take ownership of our own reactions and motives behind those feelings. What I am responsible for is recognizing hurt and disappointment and making amends when I need to. I expect the same from others.

3) I trust my kids in all their mistakes and accomplishes. My kids talk to me...a lot...about everything. My husband and I have taught them well. They come to us when something is questionable and ask for help. They ask questions about sex, faith, friendship, struggles and joys. That doesn't mean that they don't screw up. And it doesn't mean if they do screw up that I trust them less. It means we talk about it as a family, learn from it and get on with it. But it also means that as parents, we have to let them grow and go and let them make their own mistakes. It also means as parents that we will make mistakes too. God knows, I've made my fair share.

4) Volunteering is important. For me, volunteering is Holy Work. Interpret that however you want. Every single one of us in our family volunteers in some way. Church, homeschool group, community or playground-it is the essense of our family.

5) I CHERISH my homeschool group and Board. These amazing families have supported, loved me, shared ideas, built community, have given me new ways of thinking and yes have even called me on my faults. They do so with kind and loving hearts in ways that can only support me as a person and help me to grow and recognize. That is a gift.

6) I am a superwoman.....to the best of my abilities. Being a mom requires wearing a superhero cape everyday anyway. For most moms (and dads) the cloak is invisible and we see parenting, volunteering, working, homeschooling, serving and giving as just another piece of life's big picture.

7) My marriage comes first in life even before my kids. Shocker to some I know and here's why. This past year, I've learned that working as a team is important. If I don't nourish our marriage, things fall apart quickly. I can't be a wife to my husband and I can't be a mom to our kids if all the pieces of the puzzle don't fit together. Date nights are important. No kids. Just two adults and time to reconnect. My kids are also my life but I can't be my best self if life isn't rounded out with adult needs as well as kids needs. That's not being selfish-that's called self care. My kids know this and understand this and no they don't feel slighted at all. In fact, they notice the difference when I am stressed and haven't been taking care of myself.

My words of advice are this.

• Do the best you can and when you can't, move on. Homeschooling isn't always easy but it is interwoven with life and all it's lessons.


• Relationships matter. Take time to nurture them. They morph and change and grow and sometimes they don't.


• Listen more. Don't just hear what the person is saying but deeply listen. Try to understand hurts, make the effort to fix them if possible.


• Not all relationships are worth fixing. Know in your heart when you have done your best.


• The meaning of life. Yes, I figured that out too. Just connect with people and learn about them. That is holy work too. We were put here to make connections and figure out humanity in all it's complexities. I'll let you know when I figure out what that means.

So honey, when is date night?

My Husband is Leaving Me

Bet that got your attention huh? Ok so it's only for a week that he is leaving me. Geez-we just celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary. Time is tight for us. So much so that we had to have our datenight on a Monday night. It had been so long since we had been out. We went to the lovely 1149 restaurant a few towns over. The food was fabulous-not a complaint from the raw littlenecks to the creme-brule'. But the wine-why is it so expensive in restaurants? We bought a bottle of BV coastal-it was $60.00. Now I have no qualms on spending money on good things...especially wine but why is this particular brand only $18 in the liquor store? Ok so maybe I have one complaint.

We had a great time-it was lovely being without the kids and to not have to eat on paper placements with a choice of coloring crayons. It is a rare treat for us to get alone time-I so cherish it.

So back to why my husband's leaving me. Next week he is leaving to go for training with his third hearing dog. I really hate when he is away. Makes me feel like a single mom and I do miss him so very much. I may be one of those rare people that actually likes their husband and loves having him home with us.

But next week will prove to be crazy. We just found out that our Darling Daughter has made the competitive soccer team-scoring in the top 1/3 of those that tried out. YEAH! So why does this make me crazy? Well the recreational soccer season is not yet over (ends in one week)so that means that rec soccer practice is on Tuesday, competitive practice on Wednesday, Competitive game on Thursday and rec game on Saturday. Yes-4 days of soccer next week with a church meeting, homeschool Halloween party, sign language and a baby shift at work (that I'm going to have to call out from since we don't have a baby sitter). Honestly, I've worked so little I really think they are going to fire my behind (I secretly hope). I so look forward to the day when I can spend time on writing and not feel rushed.

Hey, did I mention that I was blogging for UU homeschoolers? Check out my recent posting.

http://uu-homeschoolers.blogspot.com

I'm also giving my first sermon in November on Organ Donation. Whew-it was hard to write without being overly depressing. I'm really nervous but sure it will be fine. I hope I've uplifted it enough. I planned the whole service all by myself right down to the readings and music. Larry read my sermon last night and was crying as he read it. Perhaps more uplift is needed.

I've been spending some time in the pulpit (ok off to the side of the pulpit) lately with the minister as a worship partner. I guess you could equate it the position of Deacon in other churches. Very fun-yeah-yeah-I'm also probably one of the few that gets a high by going to church.

I'm still in the process of writing thank you notes for our fundraiser. I've done a few but very far behind. I will get there. I hope everyone knows how grateful we are.

Time for the little one's bath. More ponderings later.